Bad news...

So, it's taken me a few days to even figure out how to get these words in writing. I found out last Thursday that I'm losing my job as of December 31 due to budget cuts. It's so weird - surreal almost. I got a call from my boss on Thursday when I was home with my children - Jonathan had pink eye. Man, I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. AOC is cutting all Family and Juvenile Drug Courts - the programs that I supervise. Programs that work with youth and parents struggling with addiction issues. Programs that give folks skills to make better choices or their lives. PROGRAMS that work... I'm really sad by the news. I feel awful for all the sweet folks I supervise. I've got single moms, hard working dads, really sweet and awesome folks I've been privileged to supervise. I'm devastated for each of them. But here's the reality... I'm sad for me too. More sad than I ever thought I'd be. For some time, Billy and I have been praying hard about me finding something part time to allow more flexibility and for me to be home more with the boys. I just feel like this is such an opportune time for me with them. They are growing so fast and I know I'll never ever regret staying home more with them. BUT, that doesn't take away the hurt and anger I feel. I guess if I was going to leave AOC, I kind of would have liked it to be on my terms, not theirs. Selfish, I know. Probably not the most Godly attitude either. But, that's where I am. I'm feeling totally discarded and as though I'm not valued at all at work. Feeling like anything I've done there is all for not. I honestly didn't think I'd be that dispensable.... I'm praying that God would infuse me with His peace and strength and will allow me to have a little motivation to do the things I need to do in the next few months. I also pray for the perfect opportunity for me to work part time will become evidently clear. I know we'll have lots of tough decisions ahead of us. I'm grateful for my supportive husband who's let me be a grump for a few days and has held me as I cried. I'm grateful I don't have to do this alone. I'm grateful that I have a degree which gives me flexibility in the work force. Most of all, I'm grateful that God does care about the small details... my small details.