I am continually learning lessons from my children. I hope they learn half as much from me as I learn from them. Seriously! This blog is full of the good, the bad, and the ugly, so I'm just warning that this one isn't full of good. For some reason, my lovely children have chosen the last two days to drive me nine kinds of crazy. I am serious. Now as a disclaimer, I must say that 95% of yesterday and today were perfect days with my children. But the other 5% - well that's where all the kinds of crazy comes in. Bedtime has been particularly challenging, for some reason. I am probably blowing their disobedience out of proportion (could be because I've had a head cold and cough for 6 stinkin weeks and can't sleep very well!!!!!), but it just seems like everything is a fight. We do the exact same thing every single night. Why have the past two nights been tough??? No clue. Let me just be real honest and say that last night, I sucked as a mom at nite nite time. Seriously, if I was grading myself, I would have given me an F. Tonight, I've been so much better. Last night I threw my own little temper tantrum and it.wasn't.pretty. I raised my voice. I stomped my feet. I spanked. Oh gosh, I feel guilty even typing that. I apologized to both my sweeties this morning. :( Anyway... tonight, even though they've challenged me, I am patiently sitting in their room listening to them breathe and thanking God for these sweet boys who stretch my faith every day.
So here's my lesson learned (or that I am trying to learn.....). Tonight I got to go for a run. 50 glorious minutes of alone time. I heart to run - for lots of reasons, but the alone time is one of the best. Some of my most passionate prayers happen when I'm running. One of the songs on my iPod is an old one - "your love is deep." Based on the scripture in Ephesians that talks about the depth and width of the love of Christ. God really spoke to me through that song. If I am to be a living picture of who Jesus is to my children, I have to do better. I have to love deeper, wider, higher and longer. God's love is deep - so should mine be. God's love is wide - so should mine be. God's love is high - so should mine be... you get the picture, right? Even when they challenge my authority and act like snotty-nosed little brats (sorry!), I am called to show patience and love and parent them with grace - not with threats and a temper tantrum that isn't productive for anyone.
Walking through parenthood sure is a scary job. It's a learning experiment, that's for certain. I do love them. With all my being. I just hope I can be the kind of mommy that Jesus would have me be. That's the desire of this tired momma's heart tonight. :-) What about ya'll - what's the desire of your heart?